So, it doesn’t matter what language it’s in, the Japanese are still masters of haiku. Here’s one that one of my students wrote:

I am Brian Schuch
And I live in Japan
I really like to cook
That’s why I have this pan

You’re not in any danger
I’m not going to beat you
My little doppleganger
I just want to feed you

I just want to feed you
To a wild savage beast
I really wanna bleed you
And watch the creature feast

Oh how appealing
It would be so much fun
but I’ve got a feeling
That i just won’t be done

You can keep your online
And know that you’ve won
Cause your pesonal shrine
Is www number one

So, going along with my new Brian Schuch theme, I’ve decided to write Brian Schuch: the poem. [Edit 2008-05-16T03:48:03+00:00: This poem has been rewritten to not suck quite as much]

Brian Schuch

Hello, My name is Brian Schuch
And I’m not something from a book
And though it may bewilder
I’m not a house builder

I’m living in Japan
I hit you with frying pan
Brian Schuch is my name
Winning is my drain?

Bah, this poem sucks
You can buy it for 100 bucks
Please end it now

by

Brian Schuch

Monkey Monkey
In the zoo
Monkey Monkey
What to do?

Why, pretty monkey,
Are you locked away?
Why, pretty monkey,
Won’t you come and play?

Monkey Monkey
What’s that smell?
Monkey Monkey
What the hell?!?

Why, pretty monkey,
Are you doing it?
Why, pretty monkey,
Are you throwing shit?

Brian Schuch

All of the forth coming poems that I will post over the next several days are quite old. I’m going to selectively put them up here. I’m only going to put the ones that don’t make me shudder in absolute something. I don’t know what they make me shudder in but I don’t like it. And just think as bad as the ones you are reading are, the ones I don’t put up are much much worse.

Brian Schuch

There was a dog
Who liked to jog
In streams and in rivers
Cold and wet
Evoking the vet
It whined and it shivered
Don’t you worry
It’s no hurry
Euphoria will be delivered

There was another dog
Who liked to jog
In fields and in a prairie
Calm and mild
Entertaining the child
It was not that wary
Long before it’s time
It died in its prime
Venturing close to an aerie
Eaten by Eagles

Brian Schuch