June 6th, 2008
So, looking through my collection writings from college, I came across this. I loved it then and I still like it now. I don’t think I ever showed it to anyone. I thought I could post it here and it’d be safe from anyone ever seeing it (cause no one looks at this site…). Here it is.
So, Like I was just sitting the minding my own business when this old dude came up to me and offered me his shoe.
He was like, “This is my shoe. I’ll sell it to you for your sock.”
I was totally taken back, I mean, I’m used to people asking me for money, and I dole out my fair share, but I didn’t quite know how to react to this. So not needing to feign the confusion that I felt I replied, “Excuse me?”
“I said, ‘This is my shoe. I’ll sell it to you for your sock.’” He told me.
“Yeah, I got you the first time. But why? The shoe offers so much more protection that just my sock.”
Now he just stared at me as if I were a tropical fruit grown in a not quite tropical location. I could see him preparing himself for a schpeal, so I, in turn, prepared my self for his lecture. “Boy, you had best lern somthin. Dem shoes might protect your feet, but come winter, it don’t matter, you’re feet are frozen, you see, so why bother to protect them. And I’m keeping one of my shoes so I can protect the sock from getting wet, so boy just buy my shoe, it’s only one sock. ”
I was pleased with the brevity of his sermon so I told him that I would give him my socks. I was like, “Dude, I’ve got like 20 pairs back home, so you like can have both of my socks and you can keep your shoe to boot.” I smiled happily at my cute little pun but the old man frowned and shook his head.
“Boy, you ain’t hearin a word I say to you. I don’t want no charity. I offer this business deal to you. You buy my shoe with your sock. Take it or leave it. There’s a plenty of fishies in the see and by golly I’ll get me one of them. It’s a great deal boy! Shoes are expensive! Socks are cheap! You’ll be making a killing!”
So I gave in and gave him my sock, and he gave me his shoe. I figured I could trick him by leaving the shoe there but he called after me and squalled, “Boy! Don’t you be leaving you’re trash around.” Don’t ask me how I know that when he said “your” he really said “you’re.” I just do, and to be honest I believe it was the first time I actually heard someone say “you’re” when they meant “your.” I was pretty tripped out about the whole thing. So anyway he was ranting and raving about me being a boy that was raised by animals and that I shouldn’t litter, and that it was a crime and he could get the cops. So I picked up the shoe and threw it away.
I last saw the old guy walking away shaking his head and muttering something about damn kids that don’t know a good deal when they see one.
Now see, boy that’s why you should buy this shoe from me for your sock. Don’t be like me. I was a fool when I was a boy but I knows now.